Welcome Home Marine.

13 months. 200 combat missions. 6 months with the grunts, in rice paddies and jungle, calling in air support.

Daughter now 6 months old. To see her for the first time will be a life's event.

Deplaning now at TIA. Looking out over the crowd. No familiar face.

No one is there.

I pick up my bag and enter the door to the terminal. The crowd thins.

Called her from LAX. Told her the flight number and the time I would arrive.

No one is there.

No one is here.

Crap.

Agent Orange

Skin is scalloping. Welting. Itching. Can't sleep.

Cause unknown.

Contacted Veterans Admin. for appointment.

Was on hold for 45 minutes.

Benedryl and hydrocortizone, they said, and see the Dr. Wed.

Okay, Okay.

Worried about agent orange. Worried about sunburns as a kid.

Crap.

Evolution of Disengagement

Tears find my eyes easily now. Getting old. A song on YouTube sung by a street person causes spasms in my throat.

Feel helpless. Alone a lot.

Always thought retirement would bring satisfaction and feelings of wellbeing.

Was wrong.

Days are busy but empty. "Forward" is a direction for the engaged. I move but am motionless.

Mentally and physically more separated from others.

Desire life, energy, but attempts becoming short-circuited by growing inabilities and maladies.

Growing frightened.

Tears more often now.

Advancing years?

As my mind drops the baggage of a profession hard pursued, my emotions are closer to the skin.

A simple YouTube song sung by street people causes spasms in my throat. A song heard at a distance sends a tide of memories through me. I am helpless.

Suits and ties worn for decades now abhored.

All seems so thin now. It consumed so much of me. What did it bring? What did it leave?